Studying English makes me feel complicated 英語について悩むとき


Where is my English study going?
It has passed a month since I started DMM English lessons, half a year since I have got down to studying English. However, my English level has stayed the same as two years ago. This fact made me really disappointed and I am getting lost in the way of studying English, so I needed to sort out the reason why.
“I should look for suitable position.”
These days, it frequently comes to my mind that my family has genetic bad memory. What if my family is originally less smart than others? It means that others spend less time to learn something than me. It is like they can be better at anything with less effort and pain, and they always get ahead of me. And also, memory capacity might be different from the start line. If I learned English vocabularies by heart, I cannot keep them remain for a long time. Even worse, I cannot use them in the real conversation at all. I cannot blame anyone about my English skills getting nowhere, but I don’t want to keep studying if I am less smart than others. It is a complete waste of time. I would be better with learning something more practical, like computer skills or cooking. This anxiety would stick around me till I get a job. Since I have been studying English for a long time and majoring in sociology in my moderately acclaimed university, I was hoping to get a job in a famous private company or become a public servant, but once I start working there, I would be disappointed at my lesser ability and worn out by competing with other employees. I would rather settle down in blue color job or part time worker.
“I took the wrong approach to studying English.”
There is one more way of thinking about my English. This is the thing I don’t want to admit the most, but my way of studying English might have been just wrong. Since I realized that “reading out loud” is the best way of learning languages, I put myself through that practice, but sometimes I hesitate, feel tired to do it, and did not make it practice. Other than that, I am now working on a Vocabulary book, trying to memorize all of them with quizzes, and reading out loud, but I cannot see the end. Maybe I was just reading with not obligating myself to remember. I have been using TV series and movies to learn natural English expressions, but it ended up with getting better pronunciation and acting like I am good at English. Looking back on them makes me think of my attitude toward studying English. Was I all wrong? Should I change the way? If it is so, I don’t know how to do.
“Studying takes a lot of pain.”
Some teachers say to me, “Take it easy, and just keep up polishing your English.” I know that I always over think everything, but this time I am facing with serious conundrum. I cannot waste of my precious undergraduate period with doing something that I cannot have confidence with. I want to be very good at English. I also know that to stand out in a particular field needs a lot of effort and time, but I want to know if there are the best way to be better at English. This sounds like I am just complaining and blaming my lack of effort on others, but believe me I am still facing it. I am still seeking the best way to study English by myself, and sometimes I find it and give it a try, and this makes me a little bit more confidence. If this step by step advancement is the way it is, I stop worrying and complaining. However, still I need someone’s advice.
・・・After I got an adivce
I got a DMM English teacher to read this essay, and asked for a advice. Seeing my essay being corrected, I was feeling like I can get a teacer across with my English! . I could deliver my feeling using English! I realized that I could use English as a communication tool. This is the goal of learning English. Language is the only way to convey our opinions to others, to let them know our personalities. It would be wonderful if we could express everything we want to just as we meant it to be. That is why we study English.
Since I read this essay out to the teacher, I felt better and I stopped worring about my English. To express feelings in your own words always does the trick when you are feeling down. To get a good word for your skills also makes you feel better. I never feel bad when I get a compliment. It somehow cheers me up even if it was a flattery. Being withdrown into yourselves leads your feeling to a negative direction, and such worries may be cleared up when you talk with someone. Not just keep worring about something, keep looking for the way to process your problem is the first thing to do. I learned it that way through this essay.